Ivan Charmer from the Stone Singers series has been one of my favorite characters to write. He has no filter, and says whatever comes to mind, which is often inappropriate. Here are a few of my favorite Ivan quotes:

  • “I get teary-eyed about bacon too.”
  • “Maudlin, that’s one of those old people words.”
  • “Nothing kills my chubby more than having my patron show up at my home.”
  • “I reserve my STDs for only the most special people, which you are certainly not.”
  • “If we’ve been infested by demonic mosquitoes, I’m out.  Throwing myself off the highest peak.  They’re like one step above zombie squirrels.”
  • “My plan is just not to stand near you, Dresden, since they hate you the most. Dickish body armor.”
  • “There are no good guys or bad guys. You should know that.  Only those with power and those without.”
  • “He’s my drug dog. I’m training him to find all the old drugs I lost in here when I was too high to remember where I left them.”
  • “If we’re going to play round-robin confession, I’d like to bow out.  There’s some really weird things I’ve done I’d prefer not to confess to my sisters.”
  • “I’ve been giving him a tour of the suite, showing him where all the bodies are buried.”

You can read more about Ivan in the Stone Singers series. The complete series is available directly from my website, or at any other book retailer.


Thomas K. Carpenter

Thomas K. Carpenter is a full time contemporary fantasy author with over 50 independently published titles. His bestselling, multi-series universe, The Hundred Halls, has over 25 books and counting. His stories focus on fantastic families, magical academies, and epic adventures.

  • Ivan is one of my favourite characters from the Stone Singers series for sure. He brings that comic relief when it’s needed and gives you real laugh out loud moments.

    I have a special section of highlights just for Ivan. Amazing series.

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